Little Things...

I often get so caught up in things I forget to watch the little things going on around me.  Today I was getting the kids ready for school, and I paused for a second, watching them eat breakfast.  Now, I've been overwhelmed lately...  I can get into that later...  But I paused...  Two little ones were eating eggs...  Seems like a weird thing to notice, right?  As I watched them eating eggs, I laughed to myself.  They had both squirted ketchup over their eggs to eat them.  They refuse to eat them any other way.  I find this repulsive.  When Forrest was alive, I used to harass them mercilessly about this.  I'd call them disgusting.  I'd say they eggs looked bloody, and say how gross it was.  I'd tease them all the time!  Today, it made me smile.  I sat back, thinking how fun it is that there are so many quirks the kids have, they probably don't even realize half the time, that come directly from their daddy!  The ketchup on eggs~ SO one of them!  :)  It makes me smile!  :)  And it made me stop and think I should make sure to remind them when their "quirks" are sticking out~ I should be telling them, they are just like their daddy!  I bet it's something they would enjoy hearing more often.  I need to work on that.

Speaking of things to work on, and that overwhelming I mentioned earlier...  I know life isn't meant to be easy.  We are all meant to work through our own struggles.  There are days, I reflect and yearn for just a little break from some stresses.  Now, I know I've chosen some of my stresses!  I would never trade the hassles of my children.  And I've started going back to school, so I can work toward a better career ~ if I can make it until then!  Yeesh!  Lol!  But it's the other little things I could use a little breather from.  Lol.  Financial stress, we all have it.  With kids, and school, and trying to find a part time job...  Ick!  I'm not even getting replies with the resumes I've sent out.  Frustrating.  I loaned money to someone I shouldn't have, and now he refuses to pay me back.  This foolish move on my part, has put me in an incredibly difficult position.  I don't know how I will pay my property taxes, or even keep from bouncing the silly $200 check to sign Luke and Ben up for baseball last week.  My son hit 3 ball over the fence last season in one tourney, 5 in the season.  And all I can think of, is that I'm going to have to call and ask them to withdraw the boys to keep them from bouncing the check when they try to cash it April 1st.  It just breaks my heart.

Then, my baby girl was talking to me...  She was on an emotional roller coaster.  And in her venting, she told me that all I ever do is tell her the negative.  I don't praise her, tell her good job, or that I'm proud of her.  I said right away that I do tell her these things!  She said, yes, but not like Dad did.  You don't make me feel like dad did.  It crushed me.  I know I don't have my late husband's spirit.  Forrest was a very quiet man.  But his spirit was overwhelming and sunny.  His presence was strong.  My 15 year old is missing him, so very much.  I know that feeling, I am too.  But her comments cut me so very deep, as they would any parent, I'm sure.  And I know I'm overwhelmed at the moment.  Between financial worries, school and everything else.  And I do get on her case for not doing chores and missing work from school.  I ask her to do her work over and over.  It never gets done.  It's like she only responds to me when I hit that frustration level!  And I hate to yell!!

Ugh...  Such is life, right?  A down swing will lead back up, soon enough.  :)  I should stop for now.  Keep smiling.  :)

A new one...

I used to blog as my husband battled with cancer and we battled that journey.  October 2012, he passed away.  Now, I am in the midst of a new journey.  I have three wonderful children who are now 15, 12 and 7.  They keep me incredibly busy...  All of the time.  They make me crazy.  But they make me smile and they make me laugh.  I used to put posts on Facebook regarding my husband to help people feel "connected".  I've since decided it always made me feel crazy.  I felt I was searching for sympathy and trying to get people to... well, I don't even know what...  It just drove me nuts...  I've been playing with the idea of blogging again.  I don't even care if anyone reads it.  I was always more of a chance to write and vent...  putting thoughts out there and letting things go.  I liked that...  So I'll play with it again, and see if it works.  :)  If so, great!  If not, I've lost nothing!  :)